I'm not sure why - well, strike that. I know exactly why. Yesterday I read an article online about an officer involved shooting here in town. The officer was an 11 week probationary officer and was forced to shoot (and inadvertently kill) a suspect because he felt his life was in danger. The officer followed protocol and was not injured, but for some reason, this hit me like a ton of bricks.
Joey could (will) be that same officer in just over a week. I know this - I've known this for over a year now - but instead of holding my thoughts captive to the promises of God, I let Satan take control of my mind.
See, I know in my heart that the path Joey is on is the one that God planned out for him before he was even born.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
When Joey first told me he wanted to be a cop (for real) all I could think about was "what if...". Fortunately, it didn't take long for God to remind me that He is God and I am not. I can not control what happens to Joey whether he is a cop or not. God confirmed in my spirit that this is what He made Joey to do, and I was at peace.
And I've been at peace ever since that day. I've been solid. Strong. Never-wavering.
But Satan knows my weaknesses and won't hesitate to use them to his advantage if I let him. That's the key - I have to let him. I have to make a choice to not believe that God is in control and to believe that there is something I can do to make my life turn out perfectly. Sure, we can all make good choices, but ultimately, God is in charge.
So after I had my little meltdown, I printed off this passage and put it in a frame on my desk.
Psalm 1211 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
God used another blogger (who was in the midst of dealing with a fairly serious medical situation with her husband) to share this passage with me. She didn't know God was using her to speak to me when she posted this on her blog, but that's what happened.
God doesn't sleep. He never leaves us. Our problems are never too big for Him to handle. And most importantly, I can't add one day to my life (or Joey's) by taking these concerns from God and trying to handle them on my own.
Thank you, God, for caring enough about me to watch over me and my family, day and night. Thank you that You are God, and I am not. Thank you that no matter what is going on around me, You are God alone.