"Mommy, you told us NOT to let you go there!"

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

This is the sentence I made my children memorize so they could repeat it to me if they ever heard me say the words "I'm going to Wal-Mart" again.

Now I usually consider myself to be a calm, law abiding citizen. But I feel the need to warn you that Wal-Mart brings out the worst in me. Not necessarily the store itself, just the check-out process. To be more specific, the lack of check-out personnel they choose to hire.

So last night I really needed to go to the store since our refrigerator has been reduced to 2 eggs, what's left of a gallon of milk, and a couple slices of cheese. Yeah, there will be no "Mom of the Year" award on my mantle this year.

Anyway, since Wal-Mart is one stoplight closer than HEB, I continue to torture convince myself that it will just be quicker to go there. So I do.

I fill my basket with groceries. You know, the kind will win me the "Mom of the Year" award. Goldfish. Pop-tarts. Granola Bars. Wine coolers Capri-Sun. Block cheese. I make my way to the front of the store to take out a small loan to pay for my bribe groceries, and what do I see?

I know, I really don't even have to finish this story because you all know how it goes. But what would be the fun in that?

Yes. There were a total of 5 check out lanes open. And how many people do you think there were waiting to pay for their Wal-Mart treasures? The entire Northwest side of San Antonio.

One thing I may have failed to mention before is that while I am a calm, law abiding citizen, I have been known to break ridiculous rules. So when I saw that the self check out line only had 2 people waiting, I chose to break the "20 Items or Less" rule.

I proceeded to use my children as child labor (um, that was obvious, right?) and had them unload the basket while I scanned faster than any Wal-Mart cashier could dream of scanning. So fast in fact that the bagging mechanism kept refusing to recognize that I had actually put my groceries into the bag and I had to keep pushing the "skip bagging" button.

Well let me just tell you that after you do that so many times the self check out register shuts down and the employee paid to stand there and watch those registers has to come over and unlock it.

Oh, and she also has to say "Um, ma'am, for future reference, these registers are for 20 items or less."

THIS, my friends, is when I thought I was going to kill someone, RIGHT in front of my sweet little children. I was certainly not afraid to tell this little chicky that I would not be forced to enter the land of self check out if Wal-Mart would dare to open more than 5 registers when half the city is trying to check out!!

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but this register is for 20 items or less."

Oh no she di'nt.

Yeah, she did.

So what did I do? The only thing I can that will keep me from doing 20 to life in Huntsville.

Laugh.

Ashton and Taylor were completely thrown off by this and asked, "Mommy, what's so funny? Why are you laughing? "

"Because baby, sometimes that's just all you can do."

Then I paid for my groceries, pushed my cart to the car and that's when I taught my children the most important phrase they will ever learn.

"Mommy, you told us NOT to let you go there!"

54 comments:

Staci said...

you forgot to mention how you decided to lighten the mood for yourself and scare the poop outta lil unsuspecting Staci by telling her (im talkin in the 3rd person) "i cant get ahold of Joey, so your gonna have to come bail me outta jail cause i just killed someone" so i mentioned it for you....

Mama's Losin' It said...

Ha! Stephanie just linked me to this post of yours after reading that I don't care much for Walmart either.

At least you got the groceries right!! Braving Walmart to do so should get you that mom of the year award!!

Lauren Horsley said...

SITS sister here - wanna know the sneaky way I out-smart Walmart? I upload my photos to them - like 10 or 15 of our latest and greatest. When I go to pick them up I ask in my sweetest voice if they would mind ringing up the rest of my items while I'm paying for my pics! It works like a charm! The only downside is the nasty glares you get from the sorry looking line-waiters up front as you flounce past them with your cart full of your bagged-and-paid-for junk.

Gina said...

WalMart Rage. That's what we call it. I tell them exactly how long I can stand to be there before the rage sets in, and we walk at a coresponding pace.

Toni said...

I work at walmart (in the pharmacy part time) and i get infuriated when they have 1000 people in there and 2 lanes open. Luckily our little self check outs you can have as many items as you want so I tot right over there and begin scanning I am sure pissing people off to begin with b/c i have 100 things in my cart LOL. Great blog

Outnumbered2to1 said...

I'm normally a lurking on your pretty blog but thought I'd comment to congrats you on being Blogger of the Day at SITS. Enjoy the comment love.

Sheri said...

Congrats on being featured!

I used to work at WalMart and I have NO Shame when it comes to using the self checkouts, or the photo lab, or the service desk, or . . . yeah, I hate it. Here, WM is really the only shopping choice. I embarass the heck out of my friends when we go to a "big" city with a "real" grocery stores. I love them!

Michelle said...

LOL. That's too funny and something I think everyone agrees with! When I do have to FORCE myself to go in there I pretend that the "20 or Less" sign is just a recommendation!!

"I wanna be BLOGALICIOUS!"

Talisman said...

That, my dear, is one of the reasons I'm a Target lady. If they have more than 2 people in every checkout lane, it's like a national crisis and they get on their walkie talkies and people start coming from everywhere saying things like "I'll take you over here ma'am." Target, feel the love. ;)

Marianne said...

Congrats on being SITS site of the day and such a pretty one! I loved your WM story and i'm glad to see that if I move to the US I will have the same experience as here ;) I have a gf with two young kids like myself and during a really busy, short on staff, no self checkout (yet), she asked the cust serv dest, the ones for returns if we could check out there lol... They agreed! SUCKAS!

I so,so, so feel your pain. They just expanded our WM and it now has like 20 cashes but there never seems to be more than 4 open at a time. Sucks, I know.

Great writing! I'll be back for sure.

Missy said...

LOOOOVE my new design! Thanks to you two I'm now officially made over!
Ok, so I only allow myself to do the WalMart thing after 10pm to avoid the craziness. But then you have a whole 'nother bunch of problems with the WalMart after-10 crowd. They might be the creepiest group of people EVER in one building. I pretty much break out the burka to wear when I go there, for safety reasons.

Melanie said...

Everyone hates Walmart check out huh! Who'd a thunk it.

Shanna said...

Congratz on being today's SITS gal ;)

Wal-Mart drives me batty...and yet that's where you can find me at LEAST once a week! hehe

Jill said...

I'm not a huge wal-mart fan, either. Unfortunately, it's the cheapest place around my house to get groceries, so the Hubs decides that's where we need to go. UGH! I feel your pain!

Over from SITS

EmBee said...

So am I to understand that the Wal-Mart in San Antonio is run EXACTLY like the Wal-Marts in Maryland?

Please tell me how they continue to make a profit?

Katy Lin :) said...

LOL! this is priceless! i have this exact same opinion of wal-mart! that and they always use WAY too many bags to bag groceries (one time - 4 bags for 3 items - no lie!)

congrats on SITS! :) bask in the comment love :)

Jen said...

Nice blog. visiting via SITS. WalMart really scares me too. I sat in the car and make my husband go in. He says as he goes in , I will go but it will drop my IQ by 10 points. Needless to say, we don't go very often.

Smoochiefrog said...

See, when I worked at Wal-Mart in IL it wasn't like that. I would have had you in and out in a matter of minutes. Then again, I was a cashier with a brain. :)

Amy Jo said...

The W-mart.... I hate it too, but unfortunately it's become a part of my life. Where else can you buy car oil, fabric, diapers and milk in one stop? And one stop is all I really want to deal with these days! Found you through SITS!

Karen said...

I have a love/hate relationship with Walmart.

Last time I went through the 'Limit of 20' item line, I had 21 items. The checkout girl must of counted because after the 20th item, she looked at me, shook her head, looked at the customers in line behind me, who all glared at me and the solitary pottle of yoghurt sitting waiting to be scanned. Then, no kidding, she actually wagged her finger at me and said 'Lady, no 21 items, 20 next time, ok!'

Like you, I laughed. What more can one do in situations like that...

Rhea said...

A Texas gal! YAY! I'm north of Dallas now, but I've lived most my life in Kerrville and Austin.

Anyway, I really liked the way you handled the Wal-Mart lady. Laughter is totally the way to go. More classy than bitching!

When I get flipped off (not often, I promise) I try and wave and smile back. Drives people nuts.

scargosun said...

That is too flippin funny. You are a MUCH better person than I am. I would have compeltely flown off the handle.

Melissa said...

I arrived at your blog via SITs.... this post was so funny!! I say boycott Walmart!! :P

Kris said...

Oh how many times have I complained about this since the new Wal-Mart opened a mile from me just a month ago? I have spent more time there in lines than I can count.

It lets me justify shopping at Target a little farther up the road, I know I can still make it out in a decent amount of time!

Congrats on being featured on SITS BTW!

Jenni said...

I swear over and over that I will NOT return to WM, but then I give in and go because that have a million ingredients I can't find other places and they are generally cheaper. But I agree with the checkout. And Even worse I HATE the loads of crappy stuff at kid eye level that my four year old MUST have and I must listen to her beg for all the while we stand in line!

Cristin said...

I loathe Walmart. I promise that as soon as it is not financially necessary to shop there I will institute a full on boycott of the place.... but for now... a girls gotta do.....

Neurotically Yours: said...

I so have a love/hate relationship with Wal-mart!

Tausha said...

ok-i am impressed. I would have just yelled at the chick and said just what you were thinking. Then, she probably wouldn't have been able to handle it. She would have went and got the manager, i would have yelled and said the same thing(all the while scanning my groceries-that the first ditz unlocked so I could) Tell them that they were total idiots. Wait for the them to apopliogize profusley for their idiocy and then go home. I would say to my children-don't be like mommmy-dont' yell at people and don't go to WALMART! Stupid Store!!

Jennifer P. said...

The weird thing about Wal*Mart--at least the one here--is that it is JUST as busy at 2 am when you go for emergency Sudafed as it is at 5in the afternoon! Crazy!

And though it is completely unrelated to this post--I love the way you are wearing the same shirt in the picture in your sidebar as your friend wore to the Pat Benetar concert. Too cute ;)!

Maternal Mirth said...

Two words. Tar. Get.

Not that it's any better, I just thought it made a clever comment :)

And *that's* what's important...

trashalou said...

Checkouts are the same the world over - I actually swore at one of them a few weeks ago I was so frustrated. Fortunately the small child I had with me was focussed on watching dust float in the air!

Party of 5 said...

Here from SITS!

This is why I started driving to the small town 25 mins away instead of going to the one 5 mins away. That Walmart is cleaner and the customer service it TONS better. I don't know what it is about the larger towns and city's.

Oh and I use self checkout whenever I want to. LOL I hate when the darn machince takes longer then I do. Mine likes to tell me that I DIDN'T bag something too annoying.

Val said...

From SITS!

Ugh, Walmart...which I like to call...Walhell. Horrible. But for some reason, I still find myself there often!

Mamasphere said...

Back before I started boycotting Walmart, ours would have enough cashiers, but the lines would still be so incredibly long. Why? Because they worked about as slowly as they could, smacking their gum and laughing about their boyfriend's skank ex-girlfriends with each other across the aisles. It drove me INSANE.

Adiel said...

Yeah, I cannot stand Wal-Mart! Its too much work to get things there. I'm lazy!

my2boyz said...

Happy SITS day! I dread the Wal mart trips. I ALWAYS get attitude from the cashiers because I bring my own bags! One time they actucally put my stuff in plastic bags then put them in my cloth bags DUH!

Sherri said...

I shop at Walmart too much!! So much in fact that my daughter asks EVERYDAY, "Are we going to Walmart today?" I usually have pretty good luck though -- of course I go to the one that is never busy because the town that it is in pretty much boycotts it. Of course since I am a crazy coupon freak I have a "favorite" cashier at every store!!

Debbie said...

Oh Walmart...how I hate Walmart. You could have taken that story and told it anywhere in the country because they are all the same! I lived in San Antonio when I was in middle school (Hobby) and actually found out that Shanan at Allmykids123 and her husband were in elementary school with my brother WAY BACK WHEN! Very small world. I moved away from there in the late 70's but still love it there to this day. Have fun being the SITS queen for the day!

Simply Stork said...

I unfortunatly need to agree with you here...we live pretty far from every store...except Wal-Mart...grrrr...

We have a saying upon any return trip from Wal-Mart...it's called "the Wal-Mart winner of the day" we always have a story to share...It makes for great "talk" time later in the day :o)

~simply~

Judy Haley said...

i avoid wal-mart at all costs. no matter what kind of day I'm having when i enter the store, its a bad day by the time i leave the store. and those self scanner stations - it seems like i need supervision every time.

Swirl Girl said...

I wish I had your resolve to laugh things like this off. I complain about them. Often on the spot.
You'll live longer your way!

www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com

Melissa Lester said...

At the end of my pregnancies, I can remember thinking I would give birth before I got to the back of our Super-Walmart to get milk. What a story that would be, and I would forever be embarrassed that I hadn't been grocery shopping at Target! But I have to admit that I do enjoy shopping there late at night when I'm by myself and can stand the wait. Because, yes, the checkout lines are long even at midnight!

Gina said...

I had started that mantra with KMart in our area. 5 minutes to get there- 45 minutes to check out.
Who was I kidding?!?!?!?!?

Bethany said...

Too funny. My daughter asks me as we pull into Target, "mommy, do we really need to be here?"

Came over from SITS. I wanna be Blogalicious so I'm heading there next!

Michelle said...

Ohhhhh I'm so with you on Wal-Mart, but I'm to the point that I'll drive ANYwhere to avoid going to Wal-Mart. Here's hoping your kids are successful in keeping you from returning!

And a SITS girl of course!

Mrs. R said...

I have been fairly successful with my boycott of my local wal mart. I cannot handle that a company that makes THAT much money can't hire enough people to check us out and keep the carts from overflowing in the parking lot... But, I am sure some new picture frames or cheap flip flops will call my name and I will enter its dirty doors.

Givinya De Elba said...

That's right - and the more maniacal you can make your laugh, the better!

Whoo. Sorry, I can't comment much more right now. I'm still reeling from reading Staci's wisdom teeth story.

GdeE

Sunshine said...

What *is* it about that place that immediately makes your kiddos heads spin and makes me feel claustophobic (sp?)?

There prices are dern good though. And the bread in Subway always smells awesome.

(ahem)...Sorry...I no likey Walmart either! (stomp, stomp, stomp...)

MomMega said...

I know that yesterday was your SITS day, but I am just making it over! WalMart TOTALLY scares me! For some reason the WM near me is filled with people that are just SCARY!

Vicki said...

It's at that moment when you have to decide whether you're going to make a total idiot of yourself or somehow maintain composure and dignity. I might have lost it :)

Fortunately our WalMart (the only shopping in this small town) doesn't place a limit on the self-checkout lanes. I never use a live person to check me out anymore.

Erin The Great said...

Oh my goodness yes!!! I hope you popped the pimply faced kid they had working the self check out in the nose. You'd think a multi billion dollar corporation could hire a few more check out people so you can leave the establishment sometime this century... oy!

WheresMyAngels said...

I HATE WalMart! They got rid of our Self checkouts here. Not sure why, I was too afraid to try and use them.

Mama Dawg said...

Came from SITS. I totally feel your pain!

Jennifer said...

Fellow SITS mama!

And, fellow SA mama!!

I have serious issues with Wally World too. To the point I can't go anymore. Last time, they sent me to the eyemart to check out, only the eyemart couldn't check me out, so back in line for me.

Never again.

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THE Stephanie
I’m Stephanie - wife to one extremely handsome cop; mother to two extremely silly kids. The hubs and I have been married since February ’99. I love him more each day and simply can’t get enough of him. My daughter, Ashton, is 12 going on 17. She’s beautiful, creative, smart, and oh, so sassy. Taylor, our son, is 8 and is so much like his daddy it’s scary. He makes me laugh all the time with the silly things he says and does. He won’t remember what you told him 5 minutes from now, just like his daddy. I love to laugh and spend time with friends and family. I’ve also recently discovered a love for cooking and enjoy sharing recipes. I love finding new blog friends, so be sure to leave a comment so I can do the same!
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